Admittedly, I’m no soccer fan. But just like every other wanker on the planet, I pretend to be when the world cup rolls around. If it weren’t for the constant probing by work colleagues about the Socceroos and how I think they’ll fair, I’d wash my hands of the whole affair. However, the fear of being perceived as unpatriotic or disinterested in sports (and consequently a “girly man”) motivated me enough to trek down to an Aussie themed pub (which apparently means nothing more than a flag on the wall and Fosters available on tap) to join hundreds of expat bogans and endure an entire match. We were all gathered to watch Australia take on Germany, a match in which the Aussies looked about as motivated to win as I looked being shoehorned into a tacky bar with a crowd of drunken douchebags screaming “Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!” What I did learn from the experience was that if the camera spends more than seven seconds on any single player, a viewer is assured of seeing them either spit, swear, scratch their nuts or engage in some horrible combination of the three. That said, these episodes turned out to be the most entertaining moments of the game.Final game score: Australia 0, Germany 4
Final spitting, swearing & ball scratching score: Australia 743, Germany 402
Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!
