Visited the roller skating area of Central Park the other week. The spot boasts a diverse group of folks—most appear athletic and adrenalized about skating on a sunny Sunday afternoon before a dense crowd of impressed onlookers. I even noticed a woman who must have been in her late 60s, nimbly zipping around on a vintage pair of roller skates, performing some sort of hybrid ballet routine. It was inspiring stuff. Then I caught sight of this fat, bearded twat steadily gliding around on a Segway. A fucking Segway! As if that somehow qualifies as some sort of athletic pursuit. It doesn’t. Not by a fucking long shot. A Segway requires zero physical exertion and unless your name is Paul Blart: Mall Cop, you can wipe that smug “aren’t I the shit” look off your face because nobody is impressed. You might electrify your World Of Warcraft buddies with your “sweet ride” but the only way you’ll excite the rest of us is by falling flat on your hairy face.
