Just read about a high school math teacher in Boise who was arrested for “obscene live conduct” at a Costco store. That’s a fancy way of saying he was having a wank during his weekly shop. According to court documents, Kyle Dennis, 37, "knowingly engaged in obscene conduct...by manipulating his penis with his hands while walking around a Costco store with an erection." But wait, there’s more. This wasn’t Sir Wanksalot’s first time being busted for public wankery. The documents go on to say that Dennis has performed this kind of behavior (in front of other shoppers no less) at Costco as well as Wal-Mart in the past. Dennis must really love buying discounted bulk products. But lets be honest, who among us doesn’t delight in a great deal on a slab of toilet rolls? Then again, when I’m excited about marked down products, it’s rarely followed by an urgent clean up on aisle twelve.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Who cares about some depraved, homeless crackhead slappin the salami in public? Not so fast. Turns out, Dennis teaches geometry and coaches basketball at Capital High School. That’s right. The guy you entrust to mold your kid’s precious, impressionable little mind might also be the twisted fucker tossing off near the waffle irons at Costco.
And while Dennis is on enforced paid leave (yup, they haven’t fired him) it appears that his dedicated pupils are holding off on judgment. "When he comes back to school, I'm not going to look at him any differently” said Mark, a sophomore. Bravo Mark. Here’s to your unprejudiced outlook. Nevertheless, I think you might look at Mr. Dennis differently during your upcoming field trip to Wal-Mart.
Check out the complete story here.
