Last weekend my kid almost destroyed her ankle running in a pair of Crocs. This wasn’t the first time she’s hurt herself wearing these bright, foam pieces of crap. These “shoes” were not made for walking, or running or…anything for that matter, other than selling. And for some mystifying reason, they’ve achieved that goal in spades. Crocs are a scam. They’re cheaply made in the boonies of China, yet cost around fifty bucks a pair. That’s quite a bit of coin to fork over for the ugliest shoes to ever roll out of a sweatshop. Crocs are more hideous than a hatful of assholes. They come in a variety of seizure-inducing colors and make their owners look like nurses or mental patients. The only thing that goes with Crocs is shame and regret. In spite of my repeated appeals to ban Crocs from our own home, they find their way into our closets like hyper colored cockroaches. My wife maintains that they’re comfortable and odor resistant. Hey, you know what else they’re resistant to? My libido. You know what they’re not resistant to? A sharp pair of scissors (as I recently discovered). One day my family will thank me.
