You’ll think this is a joke (as I did) but it isn’t. While browsing an ad news site, I learnt of a new campaign coming out of the seaside town of Torbay in southwest England. Apparently, residents of Torbay are declaring victory over dog owners who fail to pick up their dogs' crap. How did they do it you ask? By launching a poster campaign that depicts children eating shit. According to the town's fittingly named community service councilman, Dave Butt (again, no joke), "dog mess" offenses have fallen by more than half since the campaign's debut in April. Butt also says nobody has complained about the posters, which I find shocking. Not because people aren’t repulsed by the image of a child eating doodie, but because it's obvious from this campaign that dog shit-eating children roam the parks of Torbay. Why the fuck isn’t this backward town more concerned about these strange children who delight in shitsicles? Just because a poster says “Children will put anything in their mouths” doesn’t make it true. I have a couple of kids and I’ve never had to yell, “Hey, stop eating that dog shit!” or “Honey, he’s eating dog shit again.” The inbred weirdos of Torbay would have you believe that while you see a steamy pile of butt mud, your kid sees an all-you-can-eat buffet at a candy store. That may me true of the warped little fuckers living in southwest England, but it certainly isn’t true of children anywhere else on the planet! My point is forget the people not cleaning up after their dogs and get these kids immediate psychological help. My second point is never kiss a kid from Torbay.
