What’s that officer? Get off my bicycle? O.K. What seems to be the problem? No I didn’t realize it was illegal to ride on the pavement. But I was going very slowly and as you can see, there’s construction happening all along this road and the bike lane is completely obstructed. You don’t care, it's still illegal? I understand, but you can imagine how dangerous it'd be to try and ride around all those potholes and orange cones right? It’s not your problem? Good point sir. Wow, riding on the pavement must really be a serious issue. I guess you must have seen a lot of folks bowled over by cyclists huh? No? You never saw one? Well I’m sure the people who make these rules know what they’re doing. After all, you pulled me over while I was riding alongside that elderly woman in the motorized wheelchair, instead of, say, ticketing that guy who is double parked across the street—or that gentleman over there, treating that ATM like it’s a urinal. Show you my license? Sure. Here you go. That’s correct, my name is Dov. Nope, it’s not a spelling mistake. That’s really my name. What kind of name is it? Jewish actually. People often ask me about it. It means bear in Hebrew… Shut my mouth? No problem. Not to be pushy or anything, but roughly how long will this take, because I have to get home to my kids before the nanny leaves...It’ll take as long as it takes? I see. Well, that sounds completely reasonable. You can’t rush these kinds of things I suppose, although I am a little concerned about my kids being left home alone. Especially my toddler who’s cleverly figured out how to remove the protective covers on our electrical outlets and place his grubby little fingers in harm’s way…You don’t care? That makes sense. You seem to have that whole cool irreverent thing going on, what with all those tattoos. I'm particularly fond of that skull on your neck. I was always a big fan of Skeletor from the He-Man series…No officer, I’m not being a smartass, I was just noticing your…O.K I’ll shut my damn pie hole. So this is a summons you’re handing me? Is there a fine involved? You have no fucking idea? I take it I’m the first person you’ve issued one of these things to. I’m not? You’ve given out hundreds of these? And you still don’t know if it carries a fine? No, I’m not insulting your intelligence at all sir. I just assumed that…Of course I’ll keep my fucking mouth shut. But if I may, can I appeal the summons and if so, how do I go about…Yes, I know you saw me riding on the pavement. I’m not denying it sir. But as I explained earlier, the road is undergoing construction and…You don't give a crap? Right. You mentioned that earlier. What’s that officer? Why yes, that is a folding bike I’m riding. No, I don’t have a vagina. It’s actually quite convenient because I can simply fold it up and bring it into my office…What’s that? Tell somebody who gives a shit? Totally understand. Well, I imagine there are a bunch of pavement-riding cyclists with an unwelcome surprise coming their way huh?...I’ll take your driving away as a yes.
