You should never hit a person wearing glasses. Unless of course, that person is wearing a pair of those clear-lens nonprescription fashion-glasses that they don't really need to wear. Then if the mood takes you, feel free to stroll right up to them and plant one right in their independent thinking, counter-culture, non-vision impaired retro-faces.
Unfortunately, donning a pair of fake-glasses seems to be all the craze at the moment, with non-myopic folks walking round in chunky hipster frames that they find enjoyable to wear in spite of the fact that they have no practical use. On behalf of all the genuinely myopic folk, I say NO YOU CANNOT ADOPT THIS LOOK ON A WHIM‑ESPECIALLY WITHOUT HAVING ENDURED THE ANGUISH OF A BESPECTACLED LIFE. The only people who should be allowed to hop on the four-eyed bandwagon are those who have to squint first to confirm it is indeed a bandwagon coming and not, say, a motorized wheelchair. And speaking of wheelchairs, I believe these geek-chic wannabes would proudly show up at nightclubs buckled into a thought-controlled wheelchair because ''that Stephen Hawking dude sure seems to pull a lotta chicks''. Seriously, this shortsighted attempt at shortsightedness has got to stop.
You can’t just fake being visually impaired. You have to have endured years of torturous schoolyard taunts like, “Those glasses are so thick I bet you can see into the future”. You have to have suffered the embarrassment of wearing goggles over your glasses during swimming carnivals. You have to have endured the tragic yet comical trauma of trying to catch a girl’s attention by making sexy-eyes through -5.5 corrective lenses, like some horny cave beetle. You have to have weathered the humiliating shame of wearing glasses during sex, killing the vibe by having to stop every two minutes to wipe condensation off the lenses with a pillow cover. You have to have endured the frustration of finally taking your glasses off during sex and not knowing what the hell you're touching or grabbing—only to eventually discover you’ve been making out with a lamp for 20 minutes. You have to have dealt with the annoyance of buying glasses that don’t suit you because you obviously weren’t wearing your glasses while you were trying on the new pair.
If you haven't endured any of these challenges, then remove those big lens-less black Wayfarers immediately and go find your own impairment to leech off!
