Very funny douchebag. Shining your laser pointer onto my balls as I’m walking down my own goddamned street must really be making you bust your gut with laughter. I’ll admit, I thought it was funny too for around three seconds, but you’ve been making figure eights across my plums this entire block and the joke has worn off now. Still not giving up ey? OK Dov, remain cool, calm and collected. Think. What would Don Draper do? Certainly not give this prick the satisfaction of watching him unravel. So if you think I’m about to incessantly swat at this red dot like some brainless house pet, you’re dead wrong. One of us will eventually break and guess what you son of a bitch? It ain’t gonna be me. You chose the wrong nut sack to enjoy your little laser show on.
Okay, I’m about to cross the street now. Surely you’ll find another unsuspecting victim to taunt - Finally. It’s gone. Thank God. Well that’s certainly a relief. Wait a minute, what are those girls laughing at? Motherfucker! He’s bouncing the laser between my nipples now. Maybe I should casually turn around, head back to my building and wait for this piece of human garbage to torture someone else. No way! Retreat is not an option. Then again, the Duane Reade I’m headed to is at least a block away and the streets are crowded tonight. The folks walking toward me are pretending not to notice my overactive red nemesis but I see their eyes darting between my nipples as if they’re watching some friggin ping-pong match. Laugh it up you depraved assholes! That’s exactly what this degenerate bastard wants—a captive audience of like-minded deadbeats.
Man, this walk is taking forever - Hold the phone. It’s gone. Yes! It’s finally gone - No wait; he’s back to my crotch. This is ridiculous. This must have been what my dad meant by “the younger generation losing its way”. I bet this turd’s obsession with my crotch has something to do with repressed sexual frustration. I bet he tortures animals just for laughs. I bet - Oh, thank god, I’m finally here. I must be the happiest guy to ever walk into a Duane Reade. Lets see now, crotch clear? Check. Nipples clear? Check. Okay, time to buy some baby formula and diapers.
[5 minutes later]
Man that guy really got under my skin. I feel so pissed off right now. What I’d give to get that little shit in a room with no doors or windows. I’d literally kick his - Holly crap, he’s shinning the laser on that old man’s ass. That’s hilarious!
