Jewish communities around the world have a real dilemma on their hands. Apparently we’re not making enough babies. Even in New York City, a place satirically referred to as “Jew York” (albeit usually by anti-Semites), Jews don’t appear to be getting hitched to one another. You’d think that in a city like New York, finding a nice Jewish gal would be like shooting gefilte fish in a barrel—but you’d be wrong. Not because most Jews don’t know how to operate a gun, but rather single women outnumber single men by more than 210,000. Granted, this statistic reflects all eligible males and females, yet the imbalance of available women compared with available men applies to the Jewish community too. This has led to a dynamic where Paul, an overweight, balding, unemployed bachelor (and the proud owner of a mint condition comic book collection) isn’t quite ready to “settle” for Susan, an attractive, disease-free, accomplished neurologist. With a smorgasbord of suitable women at his disposal, Paul can’t help but feel that maybe he can do better.
Why do I bring all this up? Because recently some friends have approached me wanting to be set up with women working in the advertising industry. To be honest, I’ve never seen the upside to setting people up. At best, I’ll be stuck writing a speech for a wedding; at worst, I’ll find out that the guy has a penchant for women content to dress up as Princess Leia prior to sex. But if these guys were willing to be set up by someone with no sense of compatibility, than I was willing to seek out women willing to be set up by someone with no sense of compatibility.
I was encouraged by these guys sounding genuinely ready to take dating seriously and make a dent in our population crisis. So I did what any half decent matchmaker would do. I started asking them questions. Their responses were really honest too. One bachelor told me that he was looking for a woman who projects strength of character and integrity. Someone kind hearted and understanding with a quiet confidence. He didn’t even mind if she’d been married before. Then he told me that he loved Brazilian butts.
Turns out, searching for a single, kind hearted, confident Jewish woman with a Brazilian butt not only leads to complaints lodged with my company's human resources department, but is also the equivalent of trying to find a leprechaun riding a unicorn. And therein lies the problem. In a consumer driven city where everything you could possibly want is available 24/7, the line between consumer products and personal relationships becomes blurred. If I can have frozen yogurt delivered to my apartment at 2:00AM on a Tuesday morning, why the hell cant I find a Jewish woman with amazing personal qualities…and a Brazilian butt?
I told my friend that I was done trying to identify his fabled soul mate. He responded that I wasn’t trying hard enough. I told him he was petty and delusional. Then we had frozen yogurt delivered to his apartment.
