I recently attended a creative brainstorming session and experienced another one of my “you can’t be fucking serious” moments. We’d been briefed by a credit card company to develop a campaign that demonstrates the card’s various benefits—among them, “Purchase Protection”. That’s a dull way of saying “if you break the shit you purchase using our card, we’ll reimburse you.” Meanwhile, the TV folks attended the meeting with scripts in hand. They proceeded to present their favorite script as we all sat around the boardroom table anxious to hear their creative angle. “We open on Stephen Hawking rolling down the hallways of a Cambridge library…” they proudly commenced their pitch. At this point, I looked around the room to gauge other people’s responses. Was I the only one in the room who felt that Hawking, the famous professor of mathematics at Cambridge University and one of the greatest minds of our generation, should remain off-limits to advertisers? You're probably wondering what the hell Hawking has to do with selling credit cards (me too). In a nutshell, the TV guys were suggesting that even though the great Stephen Hawking hadn't been able to figure out time travel, this credit card company had. They likened Purchase Protection to going back in time to before the accident happened. In this case, “all thumbs” Hawking clumsily smashes his brand new vase, goes back in time and discovers the pieces mysteriously reattaching themselves right before his eyes. Ridiculous premise aside, it’s STEPHEN HAWKING. The guy understands black holes for Christ’s sake (no, not the middle of doughnuts). Besides which, he’s wheelchair bound, has lost muscle control over his entire body, speaks through a machine and his condition is unfortunately deteriorating. Sounds like the perfect pitch man right? Seriously, if these guys had their way they'd be selling you Gandi bed linen, “Sheets you’ll want to walk around in”, or O.J Steak Knives, “Make that piece of meat your bitch”. Remains to be seen if the client will buy the script. For the sake of the little integrity left in this business, I hope not.
