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I Survived The Great Earthquake
The first thing that went through my mind during Tuesday’s earthquake was “Man, I don't remember being this bad at Jenga.” For a moment I forgot I was at work and thought the earthquake might be my asshole neighbor upstairs. Then I realized it was God (so yeh, I was kind of right). The devastation was unbearable as I watched the cup of water on my desk tremble, spilling liquid onto my keyboard. To be honest, the water only hit the F12 key. As I write this, I have no idea if that key is permanently damaged, mainly because I don’t know what F12 does, or what any of those “F” keys do for that matter—but I digress. Somewhere between my impressive Jenga tower collapsing and being forced to evacuate the building where I work, I thought the Rapture had arrived and that we were all going to die. I seized the opportunity to play out one of my workplace fantasies and dropped a deuce on my boss’ desk. Turns out, that was a bad idea (incidentally, do you know if anyone is hiring?) I considered it the worst Rapture ever before being informed that it was, in fact, an earthquake. Prior to Tuesday, I thought earthquakes were the sole domain of Los Angeles. I guess there is now officially nothing special about L.A. Anyway, as we stood outside waiting to be told whether or not it was safe to return to our offices, I was suddenly overcome with the urge to shop. Remembering the wisdom of former President Bush, I though “If we don't go back to buying things soon, the earthquakes win.” An hour later I was back at my desk thinking Japan must be laughing its ass off.
The first thing that went through my mind during Tuesday’s earthquake was “Man, I don't remember being this bad at Jenga.” For a moment I forgot I was at work and thought the earthquake might be my asshole neighbor upstairs. Then I realized it was God (so yeh, I was kind of right). The devastation was unbearable as I watched the cup of water on my desk tremble, spilling liquid onto my keyboard. To be honest, the water only hit the F12 key. As I write this, I have no idea if that key is permanently damaged, mainly because I don’t know what F12 does, or what any of those “F” keys do for that matter—but I digress. Somewhere between my impressive Jenga tower collapsing and being forced to evacuate the building where I work, I thought the Rapture had arrived and that we were all going to die. I seized the opportunity to play out one of my workplace fantasies and dropped a deuce on my boss’ desk. Turns out, that was a bad idea (incidentally, do you know if anyone is hiring?) I considered it the worst Rapture ever before being informed that it was, in fact, an earthquake. Prior to Tuesday, I thought earthquakes were the sole domain of Los Angeles. I guess there is now officially nothing special about L.A. Anyway, as we stood outside waiting to be told whether or not it was safe to return to our offices, I was suddenly overcome with the urge to shop. Remembering the wisdom of former President Bush, I though “If we don't go back to buying things soon, the earthquakes win.” An hour later I was back at my desk thinking Japan must be laughing its ass off.
