I don’t watch much television. Kind of ironic for a guy who works in advertising, but it’s nonetheless true. When I do get a chance to veg-out, I try to avoid Reality TV. Given my mind is less like a sponge and more like a suitcase, I can only store so much information. So if I make space for Snooki, that stuff I once knew about Iran gets tossed out. That said, I recently joined my wife in tuning in to Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Viewers generally know exactly what they’re getting when it comes to Reality TV—a modern day version of the Victorian Freak Show. Celebrity Rehab on the other hand, presents itself as a show that takes a higher ground and is solely concerned with rehabilitating its “stars” while raising awareness about the disease that is addiction. Having watched most of this season, I’m not so sure that’s true. In fact, I’m pretty damn certain it isn’t. The lead specialist, Dr. Drew, might ooze telegenic sincerity but he remains the ringmaster, wheeling out the hopeless and bewildered for us all to snicker at. If this is lost on him, perhaps he ought to check himself into his own clinic for a severe addiction to delusion. Persistent dramatic confrontations between carefully selected “celebrities” may work for TV, but that doesn’t mean it works for the patients. In spite of Dr. Drew’s earnest declarations otherwise, make no mistake; the show’s first priority is to entertain its viewers and keep its sponsors happy—just like any other show. After all, if nobody is entertained, nobody watches, and if that happens, there is no show to speak of. This forces Dr. Drew to have a vested interest in his patients’ treatment being interesting to viewers— which is obviously not in their best interest. Put simply, treatment with conflicts of interest isn’t treatment at all. Perhaps what makes the show even harder to take seriously is that it’s sandwiched between other VH1 reality shows featuring uncritical depictions of sexuality and alcohol use/abuse. One minute VH1 invites us to enjoy belligerent kids engaged in an alcohol-infused brawl on the Jersey Shore, the next it wants us to take the damaging effects of substance abuse seriously. Surely you must see the irony here Dr. Drew. And call me crazy, buy paying fame-starved addicts to attend rehab couldn’t possibly be a healthy incentive to get clean, could it? Take one of this season’s trainwrecks, Janice Dickinson. In 2003 she was a judge on America’s Next Top Model. In 2005 she appeared on The Surreal Life. In 2006 she received her own show, The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. In 2007 she was a contestant on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here! And now Celebrity Rehab. If VH1 develops a show called “Help! I Look Like A Transvestite Tweaker” you can bet Janice Dickinson’s name will appear in the opening credits. Such is the “any publicity is good publicity” mentality of celebrities in a downward spiral. The Jersey Shore, The Bachelor, Survivor and other reality shows may be utter tripe but at least they're honest about the dreck they offer. Celebrity Rehab on the other hand, is reprehensibly dishonest and does a great disservice to both therapists and the real (not to be confused with reality) benefits of therapy.
